Surrogacy is not always a smooth journey, though we at Simple Surrogacy always strive to make the process as easy as possible for you. Once you reach the long awaited delivery day, many Intended Parents assume that it is smooth and easy from there – that now that they have their babies they can take them and go back to their lives. That is usually the case, but the time of delivery is fraught with emotional challenges that many Intended Parents do not know how to navigate. Handling things incorrectly can result in emotional strain and possible legal repercussions to your surrogate, to yourselves, and even to your babies.
Your Surrogate has carried your babies lovingly for 9 months. She has nurtured your children, fed them with her own body, and given up her time, freedom and health to make sure they grow into the wonderful babies that you now hold in your arms.
She is also emotionally invested in this journey, with you, to help you create your family. She longs to see your family complete, to see you hold your babies, and to hold the babies that she has helped to create.
Imagine making a special cake for someone. You lovingly mix it, put it into the oven, smell it as it is baking, hear the timer go off knowing it is ready, and remove it from the oven to cool. Now imagine that someone takes the cake away, you never see it again, you wonder, did it turn out OK? Will they like it? Will they enjoy it and appreciate all you did to bake it for them?
It is thousands of times worse when it is not a cake but a baby that the surrogate is never allowed to see again. Sometimes Intended Parents fear that letting the Surrogate hold the babies will cause her to bond with the baby and become attached to it. They worry that this would make it more difficult for them in turn to bond, but this is far from the reality. Your surrogate has already bonded with your children, in the 9 months she lovingly carried them for you. The Surrogate needs to hold your children following birth, to have closure on the long journey that you have undertaken together. She needs to hold your children, and then pass them to you, to see you hold them. She needs to see the final, wonderful completion of the journey you entered into together. Together, you have created and grown a life. This life would not be here without your surrogate, and to not allow her to share in the final joy of fruition is not only callous but also criminal.
Not allowing the Surrogate closure can also lead to costly emotional problems. Intended Parents are still obligated to pay for counseling after delivery, and in most cases, Surrogates who do not have the closure of saying goodbye to the children they grew typically need counseling. This can be a substantial expense on top of your new expenses for your children. It can also be argued that in not allowing your Surrogate closure that you are intentionally inflicting emotional distress on your Surrogate. She may have a legal case to pursue if you deprive her of that emotional closure out of fear or vindictiveness.
The simplest and also kindest route is to simply allow your surrogate time alone to say goodbye to the lives that she created for you. If you cannot find this compassion within yourself, to appreciate your Surrogate for the human being that she is, with emotions and feelings and love for your babies, then Simple Surrogacy is probably not the best agency for you, as we have seen the harm that can do and we want to protect our Clients and Surrogates and prevent it.