For a woman who has dreamt of being a mother her entire life, infertility can hit as hard as the loss of a loved one. From the way you think about yourself, and even your partner to your mental health and stress levels, infertility can affect every aspect of your life. In an effort to look after yourself, your partner and your relationships, knowing what resources are available and what steps are there to take, can make the diagnosis of infertility much easier to handle.
Understanding your Emotions
Most times when you are dealing with a serious issue, the first thing a mentor, advisor or even therapist will tell you, is to acknowledge your feelings. It is likely that fertility may be one of the most difficult things you and your partner will ever have to deal with, and feeling an intensity of emotions you have never felt before is normal. Do not get down on yourself for being upset, or not feeling like getting out of bed some days. Accepting your feelings is an important part of the coping process.
Share as much or as little as you want
In an effort to not place a burden on others, we try and put on a brave face in difficult times. Insisting you are alright will not show others how you’re really feeling, and you can end up feeling even more alone than ever.
Take the time to figure out your own thoughts and feelings, writing in a journal can help get things off your chest and organize your thoughts before opening up to others. At this time in your life it is likely you will have many questions. When you’re ready, open yourself up to communities of couples dealing with the same issues. Getting to know someone who has experienced what you’re going through can create a deep, long lasting bond, and can even help encourage you.
Stay Informed and Educated
Medical advancements are constantly being made, especially within the fertility sector. Ask your doctor many questions about your fertility issue specifically, so you know what direction to head in when new advancements come to surface. Staying up-to-date in the field of fertility enables you to make informed decisions about what you should do.
Set a Limit and Stay in it
We know many people are willing to go to the end of the earth, to the end of their bank accounts and beyond to try and start a family. In a time of stress and uncertainty, the last thing you and your partner need is added stress over finances. Set a budget of how much you are comfortable spending on fertility treatments to keep stress levels low. Ongoing fertility treatments can take a toll on your body. Set a time frame that you and your partner are happy with, and tell yourself that if it doesn’t happen by then, it’s time to look into other options. If going to family events when everyone has had a baby recently but you, or going to baby showers makes you sad and uncomfortable, set a limit on how long you will stay. Or don’t even show up at all. Sending a gift ahead of time is a great way to show support to your loved ones without putting your emotional health on the line. If you do decide to go, you can even set a limit on how long you’re going to stay, before getting overwhelmed with baby talk.
Stay Busy, Stay Optimistic
Fertility treatments can start to feel like they’re taking over your life, especially if you have doctor appointments every other day. It’s easier said than done, but try pursuing other activities in your spare time, to take your mind off babies. Try something new with your partner like a cooking class to strengthen your relationship and get you both thinking of something else. Try not going into a procedure with a closed off, unhopeful mind. Remain positive and hopeful, and trust that if it’s meant to be, it will be.
Infertility is a major cause of grief and requires time to understand and deal with. Do not rush through the process and work with your partner to get through this tough time. If infertility treatments are proving to be ineffective, know that Simple Surrogacy is here to help your dreams of parenthood come to reality.