Happy Father’s Day to all the amazing fathers out there!

Photo by: Tamara Schlesinger

One day, hanging out with my oldest son, who is 9, and his friends, I overheard him say, “My dad stinks!” He was only talking about my ability to play Stratego, and he happened to be right: Although I played this game for years as a kid, he beats me—OK, slaughters me—every time. On the other hand…“my dad stinks”?! That was the moment I realized that things had changed for good.

That’s not what he used to say. I remember going with him on a kindergarten field trip years ago, and listening in on a heated debate he was having with a friend about which of their dads was stronger. The debate was ridiculous both because of what they imagined we could do—pushing an apartment building down the street, for example—and because of the sheer nonsense of comparing me with his friend’s dad, who is actually built like an apartment building. As I laughed and told my son that day that the other father was definitely stronger, he looked at me as if I had told him Superman was afraid of the dark.

For a dad, it’s easy to be a superhero to your kids when they’re little. They think you’re the greatest, and you can’t do a thing to convince them otherwise. You hoist them up on your shoulders so they can touch the ceiling, you take them out for breakfast and let them order what they want, and they think everything you say is hilarious. I used to be able to keep my oldest son laughing for an entire afternoon by tossing him on my bed, pulling his arms out to his side, yelling “Clear!” and tickling him on the chest as if my hands were defibrillator paddles.

That was back in the days when my work-from-home schedule allowed me to be around the house more. My wife has always had a more demanding and timeconsuming job than I, and has always been happy for me to do a larger share of child care. And she, like many moms, is less interested in being the kids’ hero and more interested in getting them to eat their broccoli and brush their teeth. The kids love us equally, but they know the difference.

As the kids have gotten older, being a hero has become more of a challenge for me. You can’t put them on your shoulders anymore, they start to demand privacy in their bedrooms (and the kitchen, and the living room), and those same old jokes are a lot less hilarious. These days, when I try to amuse my 7-year-old daughter with a silly song or dance step, my little “Sweeto” (who used to wake up every morning, climb onto my lap with open arms and say, “I need you!”) is likely to take one withering look at me, say, “You’re not funny!” and return to her Phineas and Ferb episode.

As a non-superpowered human, I envy Clark Kent for many things: his great job at the Daily Planet (especially in this market), his Fortress of Solitude (the ultimate man cave) and, of course, his X-ray vision. But I also envy him because he’s able to save the world as Superman, then put on his glasses, comb back his hair, and go back to work to listen in while everyone talks about how awesome he is. As a dad, you get that less often as you become less of a hero to your kids and more of an obstacle standing between them and their video games.

I used to think that having the kids adore me was one of the keys to fatherhood, but over time I’ve learned that we dads keep doing the things we do for our kids because we know we’re being heroic in our own way, even if they don’t. And because we love them. So I let all three of them climb onto my back to go sledding, even though it hurts—a ton. I add my daughter’s favorite songs to my iPhone so she can hear them in the car, even while knowing how much abuse I’d get if my coworkers ever saw how many High School Musical tunes I have on it. And I take them swimming, even though chlorine is my kryptonite, because I know they should learn how to swim.

Maybe, as our relationships with our kids shift, our heroic model needs to shift too. Maybe instead of Superman, who gets all the praise and adulation, we should become more like Spider-Man, who doesn’t. In the comic books, he routinely saves the world from supervillains even though almost no one ever thanks him. But public acclaim or not, Peter Parker sleeps well every night, even when his girlfriend dumps him, or his professor fires him from his job in the lab because he’s too busy stopping crime. Their gratitude isn’t the point. He knows that when they leave the house each morning, safe and secure and able to pursue their dreams, it’s in part because of him, and because he’d put his life on the line against the Green Goblin in a heartbeat to protect them. He knows he’s a hero—and so do we dads.

Surrogacy 101: Legal process

Once medical/psychological screening has been completed, you will enter into the Legal Phase. We will help negotiate the contractual terms and fees associated with your agreement to ensure all parties are on the same page before the Agreements are drafted. If you entered into our Legal Included Program for TX residents or those matched in TX, then you have already paid the legal fees for the contract drafting and review of the contracts. You’ll pay the attorneys directly for the Validation and/or post-birth legal work.

If you have not entered into the Legal Included program, then we will refer you to excellent associate attorneys who will draft the legal contracts as relevant to the state of your residence and surrogacy. In that case, legal fees are paid directly to the attorney you retain. The legal phase typically lasts 6 weeks.  During that time, the contract will be drafted, and the attorneys will review with you and with your surrogate. After review, you will sign and notarize the contracts.

Once signed and notarized, the legal process will differ for you depending on the state of the surrogacy contract, the marital status of the Intended Parents, and the terms of your surrogacy contract. We will help you to navigate the post-contract legal process to insure ease following the birth.

We are offering our Free in-office consultations for June 10-12. Please call our toll-free line to make an appointment, or email stephanie@simplesurrogacy.com.

We look forward to meeting with you!

This blog continues our series on Surrogacy 101

Surrogacy 101: Screening process

Your primary physician may have already performed the work-up of the Intended Parent(s) referred for surrogacy. The philosophy at Simple Surrogacy is not to duplicate testing, thus, Intended Parent(s) are encouraged to obtain copies of their previous testing to avoid duplication. Testing for the Intended Parents may include but is not limited to psychological evaluation, std testing, hysteroscopy, mock transfer, mock cycle, and blood work.

If there has been no previous work-up or if the testing is outdated, the couple’s/individual’s work-up may include:

· Initial consultation of the couple with a staff physician of the program to review previous medical records

· Physical examination

· Consultation with the IVF nurse coordinator regarding the treatment protocol, medication and teaching of injections

· Review and sign the consent forms

Female Laboratory Testing

· Rubella Immunity

· Blood type and Rh

· HIV antibody

· Hepatitis B and C surface antigen

· RPR for Syphilis

· Cytomegalovirus (CMV)

· Cervical cultures for Gonorrhea, Chlamydia, Ureaplasma, and Mycoplasma (when appropriate).

· FSH – cycle day 2 or 3

Male Laboratory Testing

·Blood type and RH

· HIV antibody

· Hepatitis B and C surface antigen

· RPR for Syphilis

· CMV

· Genetic Testing for Cystic Fibrosis, Tay Sachs Disease, Sickle Cell Disease, and
Thalassemia.

· Semen analysis (within the past 6 months)

· Sperm Count

In honor of all our Surrogate and Intended Mothers out there, we’d like to share this article on being a mother.

Author: Kathy Murdock

Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. – Elizabeth Stone

When I was asked to write an article about what it means to be a mother, I have to admit, I panicked a bit. How do you answer a question that has a million answers?

Motherhood encompasses every area of a woman’s life. It changes the way you think about yourself, your family, your friends, and the world at large. It changes the way you look at life, the way you reflect, and the way you act and react. It teaches you to examine things you never gave a second thought to before delivery, and to question the things you always thought were right and true.

Motherhood is a beautiful ride, a wild ride, and the most incredible journey you will ever take, beginning the day the “plus sign” appears in the window and ending, well, never.

I knew my life as a mother would change drastically; and yet, I had no idea at all.

What does it mean to be a mother? These mothers share their answers; and I think you’ll find, I couldn’t have said it better myself.

What is most amazing to me about being a mother is how often the role changes. Being the mother of an infant is not at all the same as being the mother of a toddler. And being the mother of a first-grader is nothing like being the mother of a middle-schooler. Just when you think you have the role down, it changes suddenly, sometimes with no warning. What this has meant for me is that I am constantly growing and changing, challenging myself to new ways of thinking and being. It’s as if my children are constantly shaping me, adjusting me, testing me, just as I shape, adjust, and test them. Our family is so dynamic as we press and pull on each other. There is no time for stagnancy. Sometimes it feels as if there is no time to breathe. And then, suddenly, there is time to breathe, just for a second. And so you breathe. You take it all in. You admire everyone’s present state of life. And then you dive down again, into the rush of life, change, challenge. I never understood how exhilarating the ride would be – and how I would be so constantly changed by the whole experience.
– Julie, mother of 3

Being a mom can be translated into: “Professional-juggler-in-a-traveling-three-ring-circus-with-a-trapeze-side-show-for-a-kicker.” As Mothers, we take multi-tasking to a new and insane level. For those of us who transitioned from the corporate world, our bonus checks are now paid to us in sticky PB&J kisses covered with marshmallow hand prints, and those of us who have left our parents’ home for our spouse’s home, well, guess Who’s the Boss now! My life moves at the speed of a toddler on some days and at the speed of a saxophone on others, and I wouldn’t change a second. What does it mean to be a mom? It means the world.
– Dallas Louis, author of “The Mommy Diaries: How I’m Surviving Parenting without Killing Anyone” (May 2012)

When our kids get older and they inherently do things that make us cringe or at least shake our heads, my first reaction was to overreact and internalize (Oh my God, what did we do wrong to bring up a kid that would act this way….) But, I’ve changed my mind. Kids, especially young adults, are influenced by so much more than their parents. At this stage of the game, my influence is minor, but my role is still major. I love both kids unconditionally. AND my motto these days is, “if it’s not going to matter in 6 months….. it doesn’t matter”. I think this is a modified “don’t sweat the small stuff.”
-Judy, mom of two adult children

Simple Surrogacy is proud to announce that we are adding several new staff members to our staff to better service our clients. First among our new hires is new Clinical Liaison Lesa Hanson. Lesa will assist in the daily coordination between our staff and clinics we refer to. She will communicate directly to clinic staff, and between Surrogates and Egg Donors undergoing screening and cycles. Lesa has extensive experience in the medical field and is currently a Registered Nurse. We are proud to welcome her to the staff.

We are also adding additional coordinators very soon to our staff. Heading up Intended Parent Coordination as Senior Coordinator will be Jennifer Scott. Jennifer Scott has been a surrogate twice over for us and is very experienced in all aspects of the surrogacy process. She will guide our matched Intended Parents through the cycling process and remain their contact through their pregnancy journey. Also joining us as an Intended Parent coordinator is Jill Errera. Also a two time surrogate through our program, Jill’s experience carrying twin pregnancies will be put to good use as she also guides our Intended Parents through their cycle and pregnancy.

We are also adding additional staff to our Surrogate coordinators. Joining us will be Kristina Gray, a former surrogate. She experienced a smooth and uncomplicated pregnancy as a surrogate and we’re happy she is joining us to guide other surrogates through our program.

We are also pleased to offer a valuable additional service to our Intended Parents. As we all know, Insurance policies for Surrogates are confusing and complicated. Previously, we had reviewed those policies in house, and recommended that Intended Parents themselves be responsible for vetting those policies for surrogacy exclusions. Now, we are outsourcing the review of all Surrogate policies to a partner company who will provide an analysis of the policy and issue a report on coverage and exclusions to all Intended Parents. So, now when you match through our program, you will have the peace of mind in knowing the insurance policy has been thoroughly vetted.

We are pleased to continue to offer such excellent service and staff to our clients. As such, we have found it necessary to increase our rates for the first time in 2 years. Effective June 1st, the new fee for Gestational Surrogacy will be $14,500. The legal Included program will increase to $18,000, and will now include the legal documents for Declaration of Guardianship at no additional fee. Though we find it necessary to slightly increase our fees, we have done a through analysis of comparable programs and have found that even with the small increase, our program remains one of the lowest fee programs, especially at the level of service we provide to our clients.

We hope you will join us in welcoming our new staff and services, and we look forward to helping many more families become complete!

Surrogacy 101: Matching

After you have completed your profile, you’ll be assigned an Intended parent Number. That will be your identification to the Surrogates who will look at your profile anonymously.

We do not do forced matching, which means you are just given one appropriate surrogate. Instead, we believe that the relationship between Intended Parents and Surrogate is crucial to the success of the process, and so we want to match you with your most compatible surrogate.

The Surrogates in our program see the profiles first. They review the Intended Parents that are seeking to match, and from those profiles, they indicate whom they would be interested in working with. Once a surrogate has selected your profile, her profile is then sent to you. because of the nature of the system, you may have one surrogate or several at a time who indicate they are interested in matching with you. If you also like the surrogate’s profile, then we will set up a conference call between you so that you can get to know each other better. A Simple Surrogacy representative will be on that call to supervise the call and answer additional questions. If you like each other, then we’ll move forward. If not, the process begins again.

I am re-posting this excellent blog on why Gay Marriage is a wonderful thing to be supported!

Why I Embrace “Gay Marriage”

Simply put, I fully believe in the idea that “all men* are created equal” and are entitled to equal protection under the law.

*(“men” being a generic word for humans, as in “mankind” — I believe the statement equally applies to women.)

Of course, others argue against it. Let’s look at the arguments.

“Perversion!” some cry. “They’ll rape our children!” Yet the overwhelming majority of pedophiles are heterosexual, so I consider this ill-informed fear-mongering; if we wanted our children to be left alone, we should prefer they had gay teachers. As for the “perversion” of “deciding” on an “alternative lifestyle,” when did you decide to be straight? When did you choose to only be attracted to the opposite sex? I never made such a choice, and I truly don’t believe that anyone makes that “choice” either. Why would anyone choose to put him- or herself up against the majority of society like that? Simply, I don’t believe anyone really makes such a “choice” — I believe we were born the way we were born, straight or gay, and sometimes a man in a woman’s body (or vice versa). Whether you believe we are created by God or simply by nature, the only true “perversion” is trying to change that creation.

“Tradition!” many say. When I was a child, it was “tradition” to discriminate against those called “negroes” at that time. During my lifetime, dozens of states had laws prohibiting blacks and whites from marrying, too. It wasn’t until 1967 that the Supreme Court struck down “anti-miscegenation” laws. That instantly destroyed all marriages, right? Well, no, I didn’t see that happen either. If your marriage is somehow less valuable because someone else fell in love and got married (whether they are black, white, straight, or gay), that says something terrible about your marriage, and nothing about theirs. It’s not anyone’s business what you do in your marriage that doesn’t infringe on your spouse’s rights, and other marriages are not any of your business, either.

“If we allow this, then we’ll have to allow people to marry animals and children!” is fairly common too, and is another ridiculous overreaction — and was a common argument against interracial marriages. Marriage is a legal contract between consenting adults. Neither animals nor children meet that simple definition.

“Procreation!” others argue. Yet can heterosexual white people get married if they’re infertile? Of course they can. Can gay people bring up terrific, well-adjusted adopted children? Of course they can. (Will they “teach” the chilrden to be gay? No more than their heterosexual parents “taught them” to be gay!) We don’t prohibit the elderly (beyond childbearing age) from marrying. We don’t prohibit the disabled who are unable to procreate from marrying. We don’t even prohibit prison inmates sentenced to life (or death!) from marrying. Procreation is a garbage argument.

The Biblical Argument

And the last vestige of the haters is, “It’s forbidden in the Bible!” Your Freedom of Religion allows you to believe this if you wish, but everyone else’s Freedom of Religion allows them not to, and it’s not up to you to force your religion of hate and inequality on others. But let’s stay with that argument for a moment. If you’re in the “it says it in the Bible” camp, that means you:

• Have never worn clothes made of more than one fabric.
• Have never cut your hair nor shaved.
• Have personally investigated and killed every person you’ve seen who has done something against the Lord, as commanded by Deuteronomy 17:2-7.
• Have never eaten shellfish, pork, or rabbits.
• Have never lied or gossiped.
• Have never read your horoscope.
• Have never violated any other rule set forth in the Bible.

…and thus can certify you are worthy of “casting the first stone” — right? Or are you just another hypocrite according to your own beliefs? (You do know what Jesus had to say about hypocrites, yes?)

And you’re willing to swear you are worthy of this, “So Help You God” with your hand on that Bible you’re using as a weapon?

I doubt anyone qualifies.

I wouldn’t be at all surprised if the Bible was used as an argument against mixed racial marriage too.

The Kicker: Gay Marriage is a Conservative Value

If I had any doubts about my stance, they were erased by Ted Olson. Olson’s not some liberal mouthpiece: he’s the arch-conservative lawyer who argued the Bush side in Bush v. Gore (and won), for which he was rewarded by George W. Bush with the position of Solicitor General. Olson is also a founding member of the Federalist Society, and a former member of the editorial board of The American Spectator magazine (a conservative monthly).

Here’s just some of what Olson had to say in an interview with Chris Wallace — on Fox News:

Is a court allowing gay marriage “judicial activism”?

No. As a matter of fact, since 1888 the United States Supreme Court has 14 times decided and articulated that the right to marriage is a fundamental right. We’re not talking about a new right here.We’re talking about whether a fundamental right, something that the Supreme Court has characterized as the most fundamental relationship we have in this country, can be deprived of certain individuals because of the color of their skin or because of their sexual orientation.

We do not permit discrimination, inequality. That’s why we have a 14th Amendment that guarantees equal rights to all citizens. It’s not judicial activism when judges do what the Constitution requires them to do, and they follow the precedent of previous decisions of the Supreme Court.
…
When you say “same-sex marriage,” you’re saying a particular type of marriage. The Supreme Court has looked at marriage and has said that the right to marry is a fundamental right for all citizens.
…
This is what judges are expected to do. It is not judicial activism. It is judicial responsibility in its classic sense.

But people have voted against it!

Well, would you like your right to free speech — would you like Fox’s right to free press put up to a vote and say, “Well, if five states have approved it, let’s wait till the other 45 states do?” These are fundamental constitutional rights.The Bill of Rights guarantees Fox News and you… the right to speak. It’s in the Constitution. And the Supreme Court has repeatedly held that the denial of our citizens of the equal rights to equal access to justice under the law is a violation of our fundamental rights.
…
All we have to do is look into the eyes of these individuals and decide why are we denying them the right to happiness that we afford to all of our other citizens.

Out of context? Judge for yourself! Here is that interview in its entirety:

Due to Youtube’s then-10-minute-limit on videos, the last 3-1/2 minutes are in a separate video:

The Bottom Line

The Constitution is a brilliant document: it guarantees freedom and equal protection for all. Not “all except…” but all. In addition to being an institution of the church, marriage is, in fact, an institution of government, and it conveys extra rights and privileges to those who choose to do it. To disallow “certain people” those rights and privileges is clearly legal discrimination, and thus unconstitutional.

Today, the Supreme Court started to hear arguments on this. I can’t imaging that the top court in the Land of the Free could rule that such discrimination is warranted.

Even Karl Rove, the arch-conservative Republican operative, agrees he could “imagine the [2016] presidential Republican candidate saying flat out ‘I am for gay marriage’.” Republicans could make the huge mistake of sticking to the 21st Century anti-miscegenation law. OR they can agree that ensuring equal protection under the law — the Constitutional ideal — is truly a Conservative Value.

Join me in supporting equality in marriage. It’s the American Way.

http://www.thisistrue.com/blog-why_i_embrace_gay_marriage.html

Today the Supreme Court takes up the issue of Gay Marriage. As many of our personal friends and Clients have demonstrated, love and the right to marry who you love is not something only for straight people, it’s a right that we all need to support for everyone. We hope the justices will support strong Gay marriage rights for everyone as they hear arguments this week. They have the power to make history in favor of fairness and love for everyone.

The U.S. Supreme Court this week takes its first serious look ever at the issue of same-sex marriage, considering two cases that raise a fundamental issue: does the Constitution’s guarantee of equal protection allow legal distinctions between same-sex couples and those of the opposite sex?

The greatest potential for a ruling with nationwide implications comes in a case from California, to be argued Tuesday, brought by proponents of Proposition 8. The following day, the court will hear a separate case challenging the Defense of Marriage Act, which prevents the federal government from recognizing same-sex marriages in states where they are legal.

Approved by 52 percent of California voters in 2008, Prop 8 amended the state constitution to ban same-sex marriages. It was placed on the ballot after 18,000 couples had been legally wed there.

A federal judge in San Francisco declared the ban unconstitutional, and the Court of Appeals for the Ninth Circuit upheld the ruling. Once a state grants a fundamental right like marriage, the appeals court said, it cannot later take it away, even by voter initiative.

Urging the Supreme Court to reverse those rulings, Prop 8’s defenders argue that the state has a legitimate reason for treating same-sex couples differently: only couples consisting of a man and a woman can produce children.

“This indisputable difference between same-sex and opposite-sex relationships demonstrates that Proposition 8 is constitutional, for the Constitution requires only that a state treat similarly situated persons similarly,” they argue in their legal brief filed with the court.

“California has simply reserved a special form of recognition and support to those relationships that have long been thought to uniquely further vital societal interests,” they say.

What’s more, Prop 8’s supporters argue, marriage is such an important institution that the courts should proceed with caution before changing the rules. “It is plainly reasonable for the people of California to be concerned about the potential consequences of such a profound redefinition of a bedrock social institution.”

The case began three years ago when a gay couple, Jeff Zarillo and Paul Katami in Los Angeles, along with a lesbian couple from the Bay area, Kris Perry and Sandy Stier, filed a lawsuit to challenge Prop 8. Their cause took on added notoriety when two of the nation’s most prominent lawyers, conservative Ted Olson and liberal David Boies, agreed to take the case.

Olsen and Boies have been on opposite sides more often than not, most notably in the battle over counting disputed ballots from Florida in the presidential election of 2000.

They agree with the Prop 8 proponents on one issue. “Marriage is a unique, venerable, and essential institution.”

The two couples, they say, “simply want to be part of it.”

They argue that Prop 8 cannot meet the legal test required of a law that discriminates — having a legitimate government purpose.  Its proponents, they argue, “have never identified a single harm that they, or anyone else, would suffer as a result of allowing gay men and lesbians to marry.”

Banning same-sex marriage “does not increase the likelihood that opposite-sex couples capable of procreating will decide to get married, nor would permitting gay men and lesbians to marry decrease that likelihood,” they say.

President Obama, after first saying that marriage was an issue for the states to decide on their own, changed course last year.  As a result, his administration’s Justice Department has weighed in supporting the two couples.

“When it comes to marriage, the basic principle that America is founded on — the idea that we’re all created equal — applies to everybody regardless of sexual orientation,” Obama said at a White House news conference earlier this month.

If the Supreme Court invalidates Prop 8 based on the reasoning of the federal appeals court, the ruling would affect only California, permitting marriage for same-sex couples to resume there. No other state has granted and then withdrawn the marriage right for gay couples. But Olson and Boies urge the justices to go further and rule that because such an essential right is at stake, no state can refuse to permit same-sex couples to get married.

The Supreme Court could reverse the lower courts and uphold Prop 8 as a legitimate exercise of the people’s right to amend their state constitution, an outcome urged by the ballot measure’s backers.

The court also gave itself a way out of ruling on the merits of the California case.  It directed lawyers for both sides to address an unusual aspect of the controversy.

After voters approved Prop 8, California officials declined to defend it, and the legal battle was picked up by the initiative’s backers.  The Supreme Court must decide whether they had the legal authority to stand in for the state and pursue the battle.

The case has attracted an unusually large number of friend-of-the-court briefs. Among those filing in support of Prop 8 are the US Conference of Catholic Bishops and 20 of the 38 states that forbid same-sex marriage either by statute or constitutional amendment.

On the other side, 130 prominent conservatives urge the court to strike Prop 8 down, including former Republican Party Chairman Kenneth Mehlman, actor Clint Eastwood, and former Homeland Security Secretary Tom Ridge. Among major corporations taking the same position are Alcoa, Apple, Nike, Verizon, and Xerox.

The court will decide the case sometime before its term ends in late June.

This article continues our series on Surrogacy Basics, Surrogacy 101. This focuses on the Intended Parent profile and the role it plays in matching our Intended Parents.

Surrogacy 101: Intended Parent Profile

After you have cleared the background check and interview, the next step is the completion of your Intended Parent Profile. We have recently introduced a new Intended Parent Profile that is available in a secure online web site.

You simply log onto the link that we provide to you and complete your profile. This profile is the single most important part of your Surrogacy matching, as it determines the first impression that surrogates have of you. Your profile will be sent anonymously at first, so they will not know your identity or address.

The Surrogates will read your preferences, read about you and your partner (if applicable) and read your letter to them. They will take this into consideration when they decide if they would be interested in working with you. To give the best possible impression, you should be honest, eloquent and sincere. We’ll help you with your responses if you’d like, as we have seen hundreds of profiles and we’re able to best judge how surrogates will respond to profiles.

You’ll upload images as well, so that the Surrogates can get to know you a bit better.